hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
