Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
