Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we made out on top of his cat.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
