Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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