Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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