Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
