I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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