he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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