this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
