I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize