I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
