ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
