Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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