I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
