Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
