Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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