even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm getting married
To pizza
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize