No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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