No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
