she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
