I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
3 2 1 whiskey
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
