I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
