I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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