I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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