They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
