hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Your penis caused this!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize