my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
