Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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