dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
