Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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