I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
