im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
