I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
