There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
