I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
