My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
His nipple licking is glorious
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