i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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