If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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