Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You were trust falling into bushes
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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