I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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