aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize