he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
