all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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