So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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