I love black thongs
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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