My first STD was from a foam party
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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