I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
