I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize