Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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