you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
