I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
