i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
sarcasm needs its own font
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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