if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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