the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
