worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
