He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
