u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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