Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
