..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Omg I joined a choir last night...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
