so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
