My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
