So drunk its hurt
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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