Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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