Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
