There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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