Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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