hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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