Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
