Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
