I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
