I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
