The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
