Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize