I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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