His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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