It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i need some magic done to my vagina
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
