i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
