Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize