i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
