it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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