I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
