i already hear my dad disowning me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
