Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
time to smoke my breakfast
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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