i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
