So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
