My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
