Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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