I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
