but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
