Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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