All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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