I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
