Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
you never un-have a 4some
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
