if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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