i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
