i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
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