1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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